making the pieces fit

We love puzzles around here. I'm pretty good at them, if I do say so myself. I have fond memories of time spent in younger years completing large jigsaw puzzles, especially with my mom's parents.

I remember when Jordan first became interested in puzzles which require the pieces to nestle together. He can do many on his own now, though he still uses more of a trial and error/memory effort than filling in the border and working through like-pieces to finish the middle like I do. Sometimes he even attempts to jam pieces in where they don't belong, only to find it skews the picture, then try again.

My favorite thing about puzzles is that they are predictable. I can pull out a box, dump out the pieces, and glance at the full picture every once in awhile when I'm stuck. I confidently expect an end result just like the box promises me.

New Habits

I figured it out. I started writing about my desire to be less about me and more about God in October 2012, and decided it really all fell under the topic of Faithfulness. I realized today that the component of faithfulness that God has been laying on my heart for some time is.... discipline. Really many of my other posts could fall under that topic as well. I think I've been fighting the need to work on my self-control and spiritual disciplines.

Attentive, purposeful discipline in some key areas are what I need to really repair my foundation.

may flowers

Gotta catch up before Jordan turns THREE next week!
[Ironically we have some pretty "May flowers" that Jordan obsesses over, but I don't have pictures of them :)]

Umbrella crafts ushering in the sunshine after a row of rainy days!

april showers

I have been super way behind on posting on our blog more often than not this year.

Currently:

I finally... FINALLY... got myself to slow down a little. I'm feeling more alive and human most days, thank goodness! To turn the tv off more. To get off facebook (thanks StayFocused and RescueTime!) I've been reading my Bible almost every day [so close! :)]. Two weeks ago I actually started exercising again. I've been able to hang almost all laundry for weeks now [as this blog post says it: "Hanging clothes outside is a simple act, but I love it because it makes me slow down"]. I'm going to bed earlier. I'm not chasing so many deals for price matching/ couponing.

write your story

A little while back I was laying down for a rest, singing the words to "Write Your Story" by Francesca Battistelli in my head as I dozed off. I woke up within moments, with the words, "It's in the building experience that you grow," burning in my mind.

I wrote the words down, and forgot about them. Until today. When I felt a stirring in my heart.

But what am I building? Right now, I think I feel like I'm not building anything most of the time. That I'm just here, being. But I'm not. With most things, I believe we're almost always either building or tearing down. If we don't do what we need to maintain or build, things deteriorate. The problem with that deterioration is that it often goes unnoticed as things are slowly torn down. When we finally realize it, it ends up taking a lot more effort to rebuild than it would have to maintain or add on in the first place.

My life is full of things that are deteriorating before my eyes, and I think I've been choosing to ignore that fact, or cover it up somehow. My bitterness, my negative speech, and my weight are just some of the things I see causing deterioration. And I'm using my success in helping save our family money/ pay off loans as well as my "stress-induced nesting-like tendencies" to make myself feel better. [A friend posted the other day about building a life that feels good inside, not just looks good outside. yep.]

When instead I need to seek God's blueprint and restart the building process.

Keywords: need, restart, and process. It is certainly a need, but important for my type-A personality to not focus on the need for the end result, but to find a starting point, and seek the process. If nothing else, to keep the deterioration at bay. To truly seek God's will on who He needs me to be and how He needs me to live, right here, right now. To allow Him to "write His story on my heart."

I really started this post a couple months ago, and I think it's no coincidence the many ways I've realized God has "snuck in" and helped me repair the foundation for what He's growing my story into... Read more as I catch up with April and May in the next two weeks!

to be continued....

feelings are not dictators

I deal with a lot of emotions and feelings, being a woman and taking care of littles every day. Last week I shared an article on facebook along the same lines of many I've been sharing lately - motherhood is hard and full of imperfection, and that's ok. This one in particular was about loneliness in the long hard days of moms at home with littles. A friend commented, "Motherhood must suck." I responded, "Lol, not a chance! Somebody has to do the dirty work of raising Godly children and our next generation in general!" That is the truth from my heart. But as I spent most of the next morning overwhelmed, frustrated, and at the end of my rope, I thought, "If I really feel as I expressed in that comment, why do I have so many days like this?!" I left the boys playing in the living room just before lunch, to get things upstairs ready for nap after lunch {each in their own space, with a designated toy set, because, whew, we all needed that! :)} and I just cried out to God, venting my frustrations, wondering what to do with my feelings, and how in the world to care for the boys in love despite some negative feelings in my heart.

not perfect | obedience.

It's tempting to dream about having it all, and having it all together. I give in more than I should.

surrender.

I've been promising this post for awhile now, but God keeps holding me back... I think I'm ready now.

A component of faithfulness heavy on my heart the last month & a or so is surrender. What is God calling me to surrender, to Him and for Him?

worth it.

I had a slightly rough week. I even had extra help from my wonderful mother-in-law for more than half of it, and it was still. that. rough.

My lack of sleep played a role.
My child's lack of sleep (from waking and playing for two hours every to every-other night), and ensuing naughtiness played a role. {yes, Naughty, with a capital N! His strong will reallllllly shows when he's over-tired.}
My desire to be the best played a role.

But I think what did me in was two skipped days of Bible reading and a poor attitude. Not long ago if I read my Bible two days in a row, I'd call that grand. That's not good enough anymore. I've been reminded why. Finding time to sit at the feet of my Heavenly Father, to soak up His presence, to learn His love, is more than just worth it, it fills me. Like nothing else can. {And fixes that poor attitude, to boot!}

Two ensuing thoughts:
Keep up the Jesus time. Always worth it.
He still loves me and finds me worthy of His love. Even after every. single. fail.

{I have a much better attitude tonight and I feel quite terrible that I did not make my mom-in-law feel as welcome as she truly was (or maybe it's just me that's feeling that way). I love her very much and am so thankful that I can so want her to come stay with us, and spend time with me. I am so thankful that she was here this week, especially. I think I may not have made it through, otherwise! ;)}

Faithfulness

A word weighing heavy on my heart lately is faithfulness.
What does it mean to be faithful?
To God? To my spouse? To my child? To my faith? To worship? To my heart? To my job?

Dictionary.com defines faithfulness as: "true to one's word, promises, vows, etc. | steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant: faithful friends."
My Bible defines faith as "reliance, loyalty, or complete trust in God" and faithful as "firm in adherence, utterly loyal; those who practice faith."

Being the best.

After spending too much time on Pinterest and Facebook in an evening, I feel inadequate. I decided a few weeks ago to take that under control and give it to God. I'm not positive there are others that struggle in the same way, but I'm guessing so. Just like seeing a bunch of models makes the average American woman feel at least slightly unsightly, seeing all the amazing things that people do/ are able to do on my social media sites,  I feel like I should be able to do those things, too, and inadequate that I can't.

I've been that way for a long time. I always want to be the best at things. I want to be the best at way more things than I am able to. I want to be a super mommy, wife, Christian, money-saver, photographer, home-fixer-upper, sew-er, blogger, cleaner, teacher, nanny, graphic designer, and the list goes on (best ebay and craigslist-seller?). Can I be super at some of those things? Definitely! Do I need to be the best at all of them? Nope - and I don't think God wants me to be!