making the pieces fit

We love puzzles around here. I'm pretty good at them, if I do say so myself. I have fond memories of time spent in younger years completing large jigsaw puzzles, especially with my mom's parents.

I remember when Jordan first became interested in puzzles which require the pieces to nestle together. He can do many on his own now, though he still uses more of a trial and error/memory effort than filling in the border and working through like-pieces to finish the middle like I do. Sometimes he even attempts to jam pieces in where they don't belong, only to find it skews the picture, then try again.

My favorite thing about puzzles is that they are predictable. I can pull out a box, dump out the pieces, and glance at the full picture every once in awhile when I'm stuck. I confidently expect an end result just like the box promises me.

sentimental saturday

I was already emotional Saturday when Jordan and I had a conversation about his "mommy blankey."

It was given as a gift for my oldest brother almost 36 years ago, and I used almost daily for at very least 20 years. I stopped sleeping with it on my bed shortly after Jordan was born and gave it to him. He's used it regularly for at least a couple years now.

It used to be dark blue, and full of colorful pattern on the back side. It was sewn with yellow thread and tied with yellow yarn, and though not thick, had a nice layer of filling. Now it's light blue, the only remaining patterns are hidden under the one small spot of edging still attached. I stripped it of it's tiny amount of remaining filling last year, trimmed dangling edges, folded it in half and sewed around, in hopes of helping it last a bit longer.

feelings are not dictators

I deal with a lot of emotions and feelings, being a woman and taking care of littles every day. Last week I shared an article on facebook along the same lines of many I've been sharing lately - motherhood is hard and full of imperfection, and that's ok. This one in particular was about loneliness in the long hard days of moms at home with littles. A friend commented, "Motherhood must suck." I responded, "Lol, not a chance! Somebody has to do the dirty work of raising Godly children and our next generation in general!" That is the truth from my heart. But as I spent most of the next morning overwhelmed, frustrated, and at the end of my rope, I thought, "If I really feel as I expressed in that comment, why do I have so many days like this?!" I left the boys playing in the living room just before lunch, to get things upstairs ready for nap after lunch {each in their own space, with a designated toy set, because, whew, we all needed that! :)} and I just cried out to God, venting my frustrations, wondering what to do with my feelings, and how in the world to care for the boys in love despite some negative feelings in my heart.

not perfect | obedience.

It's tempting to dream about having it all, and having it all together. I give in more than I should.

surrender.

I've been promising this post for awhile now, but God keeps holding me back... I think I'm ready now.

A component of faithfulness heavy on my heart the last month & a or so is surrender. What is God calling me to surrender, to Him and for Him?

worth it.

I had a slightly rough week. I even had extra help from my wonderful mother-in-law for more than half of it, and it was still. that. rough.

My lack of sleep played a role.
My child's lack of sleep (from waking and playing for two hours every to every-other night), and ensuing naughtiness played a role. {yes, Naughty, with a capital N! His strong will reallllllly shows when he's over-tired.}
My desire to be the best played a role.

But I think what did me in was two skipped days of Bible reading and a poor attitude. Not long ago if I read my Bible two days in a row, I'd call that grand. That's not good enough anymore. I've been reminded why. Finding time to sit at the feet of my Heavenly Father, to soak up His presence, to learn His love, is more than just worth it, it fills me. Like nothing else can. {And fixes that poor attitude, to boot!}

Two ensuing thoughts:
Keep up the Jesus time. Always worth it.
He still loves me and finds me worthy of His love. Even after every. single. fail.

{I have a much better attitude tonight and I feel quite terrible that I did not make my mom-in-law feel as welcome as she truly was (or maybe it's just me that's feeling that way). I love her very much and am so thankful that I can so want her to come stay with us, and spend time with me. I am so thankful that she was here this week, especially. I think I may not have made it through, otherwise! ;)}